free association

turned some exhaustion into a poem

trying not to keep so much of this internal struggle & bullshit psychobabble to myself,

maybe it'll help me understand

hell maybe it'll help you also

xo, juj 🫶

dissociation is out, it's all about free-association, mind-maps, verb-vom

verbatim vomitum

verbal vommies,

im talking word vomit

at what point does watching your friend spiral through ironic-internet-content to incoherently-concerning-content click,

does it elicit interruption?

do you still think you're friends?

*intercom feedback*

we apologize for the interruption,

may we direct your attention to this

knot in your neck

the numb in both legs

to your tongue pushing knots

& your thumb trembling const-

-stantly pinging, constantly firing,

like launching a pinball,

like late summer lightning,

endless, erratic, unpredictable,

lighting me up like a pine tree in dry jan

-uary, i worry

i worry. aware of every zap in

every limb, in my abdomen,

my joints, my god who turned

the gravity up my arms are full

too heavy to pull myself

up out of bed

up off the floor

is this poetry or something else

is it a gut check for those who have ceased to pause, ceased to help hold

for those of you just joining us now

what you see here is

something else

truly devestating

you see here we have a juj

or what looks like a juj,

only now there's no telling

no one to tell, no one no one

no one to notice

no one home in that head

to twist the corner of their mouth

no cue to catch to pick up or push as i

pick & poke my lower lip

pinkies up